Working with Your Spouse: Good Idea or Prelude to a Bad Romance?

This article is dedicated to my husband... published in Manila Bulletin last August.

Last month, I attended the Money Summit in support of my husband who was one of the keynote speakers for the event. He wowed the crowd as he shared his knowledge and experience in Online Forex Trading, as well as made them laugh with his cheesy declarations of love for his wife---yup, he enjoys doing that.

After his talk, a lot of people approached us with questions on finance and investing, but there was one particular woman who went up to me and asked: “What’s your secret?”

I wasn’t sure what she meant, so I clarified, “Do you mean trading secrets?”
To my surprise, she replied, “No…what’s your secret to a happy marriage?”
Taken aback by the question, my husband and I looked at each other and laughed.
“Luck, maybe?”

It was a lame answer, of course. I must admit I never really thought about it up until that point. But that brief encounter with the sweet woman made me reflect about my relationship with my husband. See, my husband and I have been working together day in and day out for seven years now. So we are not just partners in life, we are also partners in business. Now that is a potent combination---potentially powerful or potentially disastrous.

For those of you who are in a relationship but not yet married, I offer this advice: Test the strength of your love and relationship by working together on a project, a sideline racket or a small business. There is something about working together that offers you a clear glimpse of a person’s true nature, habits and problem-solving abilities. In fact, I think the higher the stress, the better because this will really push the envelope.

When you work with your partner, be prepared for arguments and quarrels. In marriage and at work, these things are bound to happen. But what I’d like you to observe is the dynamics of your relationship. How do both of you deal with conflict. Are you able to talk about it and more importantly resolve it? Do any of you tend to give in and sacrifice for the other person? Or do you both move on with unresolved conflict and disappointments?

Now see if the dynamics of your relationship is something you can live with forever. Do this before you even marry the person. Marriage is permanent in the Philippines. So save yourself from the legal hassle and misery that comes with a problematic union by testing it first. Choose your spouse wisely.

How do my husband and I deal with conflict? Well, we fight it out and don’t stop until it gets resolved. Weird as it may seem, after the drama, the real learning and understanding begins. We know that even if there are quarrels, our bond is a given. Conflicts are opportunities for us to understand each other and learn how to better deal with each other. We knew that even before we got married.

Now working together as husband and wife on a business is a little trickier. Aside from emotional and relational issues, there’s the issue of money and the added pressure of making your company survive and thrive. There are also differences in work styles.

At the beginning of our work relationship and business partnership, there was a time that we really butted heads. It wasn’t easy, but let me share with you things that helped us get through the rough patches. I guess, you can say that these are our secrets to a happy, working partnership in life and in business:

A Referee. My husband and I are business partners with our dear friend Cindy. Interestingly, we all have strengths and we are able to compensate for each other’s weaknesses. So the three of us are very compatible and it has been a truly amazing partnership. But aside from her talents and abilities, Cindy has often unwittingly taken the role of the referee. Having a patient and understanding person with us helped us resolve differences especially during the early part of our working relationship. (Thanks, Cinds :)

Drawing the Line. Although we see each other daily, there’s a clear line. Work is work. Business is business. Family is family. In terms of finances, we separate business finance from personal finance. In terms of work relationship, we do our best in separating issues of work and issues of marriage. In terms of family life, well, we are still trying not to talk about business too much when we’re at home. That’s the hard part, but we are getting better at it.

Laugh it Out. There’s always something funny that happens in a day. Although we take our career and business seriously, at the end of the day it’s the experience of life that you ultimately celebrate. Happiness is not about the absence of problems. It is being able to see the silver lining and the unique moments that’s important. We like spending day in and day out with each other because it allows us to witness life’s funny moments together.

Attitude of Gratitude. When you are thankful of what you have and grateful for the seemingly little things that your partner does every single day, you naturally become a happier person. More importantly, it makes your partner feel appreciated and happier too. In fact, for me, this is the real secret to a happy marriage. Be grateful for the spouse that you have been blessed with. It’s that simple really.

Working with your spouse is not for everyone. I know of many couples who do not work together daily, but are nevertheless happy. I also know of many couples who tried to work together but ended up with a bad romance. But for those of us who have the compatibility of becoming partners in life and at work, it’s pretty amazing. It is great to be able to see your spouse day in and day out, to have a common goal, to have something to talk about everyday and to laugh together as you witness life together.

During the summit, as we were going out of the theater, another woman tapped me and said, “You’re so lucky.” Yes, I believe I am and I’m very, very grateful.


About the Author:
Jhoanna O. Gan-So is president of Businessmaker Academy and the managing director for HR Club Philippines. Her company conducts seminars on Human Resource Management, Corporate Skills Development and Company Teambuilding Retreats for their Corporate Clients. She is happily married to Mark So. To know more about the seminars that they offer, you may visit www.businessmaker-academy.com or call (632)6874645. You may visit www.hrclubphilippines for more Work-life articles. Email your comments and questions to: mbworklife@gmail.com